Dear Korea,

Every day you’re helping me answer some of the questions I’ve lived with for a long time. I always thought I would feel more at ease living among other Koreans. Who look like me. Who don’t stare at me. Some days I still feel like I’m dreaming. It’s weird having grown up with no Koreans around to all of a sudden living among nothing (almost) but Koreans.

When I first moved here my friend kept warning me about culture shock. I had no idea what it really meant or what to expect. Just a thought I kept in the back of my mind until one day, it hit me. I was in Thailand for work about 6 weeks in of living in Asia. I am living in Asia. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE is Asian. And I’m not just a tourist visiting on vacation but someone who is working and living here. A completely different experience. I can’t really explain how much it pained me to realize just how very far I was from home. Part of this made me feel like I didn’t actually belong in Asia. I didn’t feel like I fit in here. But if I don’t fit in here then where the do I fit in? And is that even the right answer I’m looking for or need.

I keep telling myself the things I’m learning every day are answers. But I don’t know if they are just because I want them to be. I don’t know if the answers I want are the right ones or if these are questions that can ever really be answered. But that’s why I’m here. To live with these questions in Korea.

And see if it’s different.